What is the one thing? I was told that everyone has this one thing that drives them forward. But I can't think of one thing that is that important to me. I like to think about a lot of things but nothing seems so important to me that it is the one reason for me to live.
Let's take anime for example because most of you should know me because of anime. A Silent Voice is my favorite film of all time. It is extremely important to me. But would I call it so important to me that is the one thing I live for? I don't know why I should, to be completely honest. Yes, it's a nice film, I cry while watching it but why should I care so much about it that it keeps me living? I don't know. I like to see it and yes, it would be sad if I can't watch it anymore when I'm dead but I'm pretty ready to accept that. I mean, life is shitty enough. I'm used to it, I may say.
Some of you may argue now that friends or family should be important to live for. At first: I fuckin' hate my family. Every single one of them. Okay, except for my brother, he is alright but not more. Now friends: I think I am not really able to value friendship, I guess? Like, I have someone who is very, very and yes: very important to me and if I would die, I couldn't talk with them anymore. That would be sad, I guess, but as it is the case with A Silent Voice: I am ready to accept that. I just wanna be fuckin' dead, okay? And I am pretty sure that if you would give me a gun it wouldn't take long that I just point it at my head. The only thing that keeps me from dying is pain. I hate pain, physical pain.
And here is me talking about Sayonara, Zetsubou Sensei and why I like it so much. Or you could say: Why I relate to the protagonist, Nozomu. The show starts with Nozomu trying to kill himself but he gets, more or less, saved by a girl called Fuura who is the most positive being on Earth while Nozomu reprents the most negative person on Earth. He often talks about killing himself and show is constantly making jokes about it and you might think: Whoa, that's pretty harsh - but no, it is my kind of humor. I also joke about killing myself pretty often and Zetsubou Sensei works with that exact same humor. Of course that is harsh because we are talking about something pretty serious here: ending a life - but that is why we are joking. We don't want to make something so sad to many sound so harsh. At least that's kind of my reason. Ignoring pain, emotional pain, with humor.
And there is something else which might be only my interpretation but: The theme of the show is thinking about ... stuff. Every kinds of stuff - how a story is told, dream endings, excuses, overprotectiveness, stalking - I could endlessly name stuff this show is about or what Nozomu thinks about. Like me he is always thinking but nothing touches him emotionally - he is just thinking because he likes to think and maybe because that distracts him from thinking about killing himself, just like I do. He has no one thing and I would argue that this show is partially about Nozomu finding the one thing that would keep him alive, just like I am searching. Maybe I am searching, I don't even know. But I am pretty sure I don't have that one thing but maybe I will find it someday. Would be nice at least to have a reason to live.
Let's take anime for example because most of you should know me because of anime. A Silent Voice is my favorite film of all time. It is extremely important to me. But would I call it so important to me that is the one thing I live for? I don't know why I should, to be completely honest. Yes, it's a nice film, I cry while watching it but why should I care so much about it that it keeps me living? I don't know. I like to see it and yes, it would be sad if I can't watch it anymore when I'm dead but I'm pretty ready to accept that. I mean, life is shitty enough. I'm used to it, I may say.Some of you may argue now that friends or family should be important to live for. At first: I fuckin' hate my family. Every single one of them. Okay, except for my brother, he is alright but not more. Now friends: I think I am not really able to value friendship, I guess? Like, I have someone who is very, very and yes: very important to me and if I would die, I couldn't talk with them anymore. That would be sad, I guess, but as it is the case with A Silent Voice: I am ready to accept that. I just wanna be fuckin' dead, okay? And I am pretty sure that if you would give me a gun it wouldn't take long that I just point it at my head. The only thing that keeps me from dying is pain. I hate pain, physical pain.
And here is me talking about Sayonara, Zetsubou Sensei and why I like it so much. Or you could say: Why I relate to the protagonist, Nozomu. The show starts with Nozomu trying to kill himself but he gets, more or less, saved by a girl called Fuura who is the most positive being on Earth while Nozomu reprents the most negative person on Earth. He often talks about killing himself and show is constantly making jokes about it and you might think: Whoa, that's pretty harsh - but no, it is my kind of humor. I also joke about killing myself pretty often and Zetsubou Sensei works with that exact same humor. Of course that is harsh because we are talking about something pretty serious here: ending a life - but that is why we are joking. We don't want to make something so sad to many sound so harsh. At least that's kind of my reason. Ignoring pain, emotional pain, with humor.And there is something else which might be only my interpretation but: The theme of the show is thinking about ... stuff. Every kinds of stuff - how a story is told, dream endings, excuses, overprotectiveness, stalking - I could endlessly name stuff this show is about or what Nozomu thinks about. Like me he is always thinking but nothing touches him emotionally - he is just thinking because he likes to think and maybe because that distracts him from thinking about killing himself, just like I do. He has no one thing and I would argue that this show is partially about Nozomu finding the one thing that would keep him alive, just like I am searching. Maybe I am searching, I don't even know. But I am pretty sure I don't have that one thing but maybe I will find it someday. Would be nice at least to have a reason to live.
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